15 Hours of Blindness & The Snare of Worry

I was convinced  I was going blind and would face my future confined to a lonely world of darkness, no longer able see the beautiful faces of those I loved.

Would I forget what they looked like? Would I have to assume that my daughter looks lovely, or my sons handsome, on their wedding days? Would I have to tenaciously hang onto fading memories of the glories I had seen in watching the sun rise and descend in its daily march?

There is a brutal torture in having seen and loved what will never be seen again. I would now have to adapt to life in the shadows with large, looming realities and dangers that exist to be painfully reckoned with, but without the sight to avoid. What would I become? Why would God let this happen to me?

To make a torturously long story short, I was convinced for credible reasons that I would be diagnosed  Monday morning with glaucoma. Glaucoma is a serious, incurable eye condition that eventuates in blindness as a cruel blackness creeps from the fray of peripheral vision to the center until the blackness closes in completely. I had the symptoms, according to that devious and debilitating online tool of the devil, WebMD. For those who already struggle with worry and see in their mind’s eye vividly clear visions of the worst case scenario, WebMD is faithful to fill in the gloomy details of your “sure” future life of suffering.

Fifteen hours would pass from the point that I went offline with WebMD and my dreaded ophthalmology appointment on Monday morning. I was convinced that I was going blind. I may as well have been blind in those fifteen hours.

The Epicenter of Worry

Worry is torment. I do not consider myself a worrier by nature. It doesn’t make the cut of my top 5 list of besetting sins. Yet, I believe that everyone falls on the spectrum of worry somewhere.

We all, under the right circumstances, will worry about something because  there is so much to worry about in this fragile and fallen world. Will my kids make it? What kind of world will they face? Will we have enough money to retire? Will I ever feel better? Will the chemo work? Will this conflict ever end in reconciliation? Will my spouse change? Will I change? Will God be faithful? I could go on.

To live in the epicenter of worry is to feel like you have fallen into a trap that has both enclosed you and is continuing to close in on you, with no exit signs posted. It feels inescapable whether we try to claw our way out, or simply sink down in defeat.

The things that we obsess, lose sleep, and wring our hands over always seem so plausible and certain to us. We attempt to alleviate our worst fears by reminding ourselves that it is only possible that they be realized; but then again, they may not come to pass. This kind of rationalizing rarely works because the nature of worry hedges it bets on the worst case scenario!

Our emotions may spin out of control as our minds race to formulate plans to counter this dreaded future we are certain we face. We have fallen into the trap of worry, and the details of our future are closing in on us. Hope is as thin as the air in this claustrophobic trap. How do we fight our way out?

The Missing Person

The  problem with this tragic tale of woe that we are embracing is the missing person in our fateful futures. God is never there with us! It is only me/us inescapably contending with the brutal realities of our impossible circumstances, without support, without resources and without hope. Yet, can this reality ever be true for the believer? When God said, “I will never leave you or forsake you,” did He really mean what He said?

Some of the most comforting,  perspective-gaining, endurance-producing words in Scripture are the words, “I will be with you.” God, the all-powerful, sovereign, Lord of all, who unquestionably maintains, sustains and controls every last thing in this entire universe is speaking. And what does He say? He says, as a promise, from a God who cannot lie or change His mind, that He will be (not might be, not conditioned upon our meeting certain criterion) with us. He covenants to be with us, His very own, dearly loved children whom He loves with an everlasting love.

How can we be sure of His love and watchful care over us in the futures we face? We can look to the cross for assurance. Romans 8:32 says, “He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?” If He gave His very own Son, will He not continue to be faithful in whatever future He has prepared for us? He will be with us in that future, giving all that is necessary for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). This is bedrock, unchanging, hope-filled truth to cling to as you fight your way out of the trap of worry.

“I will be with you.” As I faced my ophthalmology appointment on Monday morning, those were my “fighting words” in my battle with worry. Faith is never an easy fight. As it turns out, I am not going blind. I have chronic dry eye disease from making too few of my apparently handicapped tears. I left with a small bottle of artificial tears and a large gift of faith from my larger-than-life God who will always be with me.

“I will be with you.” He meant what He said.  What do those words do to your worry? How do  they change your outlook on the future?

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This blog was first posted at http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2012/11/14/15-hours-of-blindness-the-snare-of-worry/

Book Review of Defiant Grace: The Surprising Message and Mission of Jesus

• Author:  Dane Ortlund
• Publication Date: 2012
• Publisher: EP Books (Evangelical Press)
• Retail Price: $11.99
• Page Count: 139 

Gospel-centeredness: Coherent or just cool

The gospel is all the rage these days in Christian circles. It’s trendy to frequently drop the phrase ‘gospel-centeredness’ in our conversations as we sip on our skinny no-foam latte while peering over our cool glasses that we don’t really need to wear. There are many great books surfacing on the gospel and its efficacy in the lives of believers, stimulating fruitful conversations on the blogosphere regarding the gospel and sanctification. While the average Christian understands the bare facts of the incarnation, death, burial, and resurrection of Christ for sin, many of us do not know how to articulate the implications of the gospel of grace for our own lives.  Dane Ortlund’s book, Defiant Grace: The Surprising Message and Mission of Jesus, written for “fellow everyday believers” may be the means of refreshing grace that they are seeking.  Ortlund states boldly, “It’s time to enjoy grace anew- not the decaffeinated grace that pats us on the hand, ignores our deepest rebellions and doesn’t change us, but the high-octance grace that takes our conscience by the scruff of the neck and breathes new life into us with a pardon so scandalous that we cannot help but be changed.” (page 13) Ortlund’s  creative and seemingly effortless use of vivid, metaphorical language alone makes the book a pleasurable read.

Surprised by Grace
Ortlund presumes that our understanding of who Jesus is needs repeated tweaking, so he takes us on a journey through the four gospels in search of the surprising message and mission of Jesus.  His premise is that Jesus is surprising and grace is shocking. The surprises he shares may seem scandalous and counterintuitive to our law-addicted hearts, so Ortlund anchors his summary statements for each gospel narrative in portions of Scripture from that same gospel. He adeptly uses these anchors to give evidence for the unanticipated, astounding message or mission of Jesus as well as show its thematic continuity within the book as a whole.

Chapter 1 begins with Matthew where we see the surprise of disobedient obedience.  The main point of this chapter answers the question of qualification for the Kingdom of God. Using Matthew 18-20, Ortlund shows that Peter, the Pharisees and the rich young ruler all ask the same question that many others have asked through the ages, “What is the least that I must do to get God off my back?” Treating obedience as something that earns points and qualifies us for the Kingdom, we deny the “inadequacy of our own moral resources (as a result of our sin) and the adequacy of God’s divine provision (on account of Christ’s work).” As a result of these false beliefs, our rule-keeping can be evil, our obedience disobedience. In the end, only those who realize their disqualification, manifested in rule-breaking and rule-keeping, are truly qualified to receive Christ’s grace.  

In Mark, we see the surprise of the King undergoing the fate of a criminal, underscoring triumphant brokenness. Christ the King came to die. Masterfully using Jesus’ dealings with James and John and blind Bartimaeus from Mark 8-10, Ortlund unpacks our spiritual and moral blindness, evidenced in our natural, prideful grasping for glory in ourselves. We, like blind Bartimaeus, need mercy from the King who died the death of a criminal to secure mercy and glory for those who admit their blindness and cling to Christ.

In Luke, we see the surprise of the insiders becoming outsiders and the outsiders becoming insiders as Jesus reveals the stunning reality of those included in his community. Luke highlights the radical social inversion of the gospel call: Jesus came for sinners and social outcasts. Those who believed themselves to be on the outside were welcomed, and those who believed themselves to be on the inside were excluded.  “Hell is filled with people who believe they deserve to be outside hell and inside heaven. Heaven is filled with people who believe they deserve to be outside heaven and inside hell. Such grace defies our sense of fair play.” (page 92) Those invited into community with Christ are those who grasp the truth that the ultimate insider became the outcast to secure inclusion for outsiders to be brought in.

In John, we see the surprise of the Creator of the universe becoming one of his own creatures, emphasizing the shocking identity of Jesus. Through consideration of the magnitude of the incarnation account in John 1, Ortlund draws attention to the uniqueness of Christianity in the weighty reality that the transcendent, holy God came to us, as us. Scandalous to the deeply held beliefs of both Jews and Greeks regarding the nature of God is this notion that God became man. “This is the surprise of John. The Creator became a creature so that we creatures can be restored to our Creator. Such grace defies our categories.” (page 105)

Wonder to Worship
By the end of the book, the reader is left freshly stunned by Jesus and his radical grace, marveling at his counter-intuitive message, amazed at his counter-cultural mission. These surprising realities make quick application for the reader, forcing us to think about the motivations of our obedience and giving insight into the desires of our heart and our need for mercy. They navigate us towards the broken and marginalized, reminding us of the beauty and grandeur of the welcome and acceptance of gospel grace. Dane Ortlund invites and impels worship of the Giver of grace, gratitude because of the receiving of it, and a deep desire to be transformed into the image of this One who would come to give such radical, defiant grace!  The only weakness found in Ortlund’s book is its brevity. 119 pages whets the appetite for grace and leaves you wanting more!

The Obedience Equation

Since Tullian Tchividjian uses math to describe the gospel as Jesus + Nothing = Everything, I thought I'd throw out my own math equation for obedience. I have been having lots of discussions with folks lately about whether or not God is pleased with our obedience. Or, put another way, is our obedience sufficient? Because we have been justified by Christ and have the indwelling Holy Spirit and the resources of grace, does that mean, by implication, that our efforts at holiness through obedience are adequate in themselves to merit the full pleasure of God?

Is this equation correct? My obedience = (equals) God's full pleasure

There are many reasons why I would revise this equation.

Reason #1 - There is always some sin mixed with our obedience. The fall has affected everything, even our best intentions and our most noteworthy works. Every time I do something that God requires, there could be a plethora of mixed motives that went into the obedience. I would safely assume that there was a desire to please God in the knowledge that the act itself is what He requires. I would even be OK with saying that this could be mostly what we are motivated by (though I think I am being generous here). But what if I was proud of my obedience in a self-righteous sort of way, evidenced by my smug, simmering anger at those who didn't obey as I had? What if I boasted, even in the smallest way, about my obedience? Did I just stain the obedience? Is there now something that needs to be exposed in my obedience and rightly repented of? Pride, selfish ambition and glory stealing are only a few examples of the ways in which we can tarnish our obedience. So, do we simply need God to forgive and cancel out the sinful motives and expressions that may be mixed with the good in our obedience to be fully pleasing to Him?

Is this a better equation?  My obedience - (minus) the sin that stains it = God's full pleasure

I don't think so, and here is why...

Reason #2 - Was the obedience that I mustered up all that God required? For example, if I chose to obey the command to love my neighbor by not being spiteful when their dog left his "business" in my lawn for the 100th time, have I fulfilled the command? I may not have made any intentional rude remarks, but rather showed restraint and even serenity on the outside, but did I actively love them? Though it is a good thing that I didn't lose control and verbally lash out at my neighbor (kind of like the common grace for the believer), did I fulfill the command to love my neighbor? Why is it that we often think that what we have done is enough?

Our efforts to obey are never really enough when we look honestly at what the Word of God calls us to. It calls us to what is impossible with man. We are always in over our heads when we try to live out perfectly what the law requires. Either we are crushed by the painful awareness that we have not fulfilled the demand of the law (and cry out for mercy) or we adjust the demands a bit. We lower the standard enough until we feel that our effort is adequate. However, God warns us in James 4 not to judge His law in this way. (I wrote a blog about that here.) God's laws have always been, and will always remain, rigid and inflexible. The disciples of Jesus seemed to understand this as evidenced by their anxious questions like, "Who then can be saved?" When we honestly face the demands of the law, we must reckon with our inadequacy. The laws don't soften for those who are "in" the Kingdom. They remain the same.

So we are left with the itching question: was God pleased or not with my obedience in not giving a verbal lashing to my neighbor? Wasn't he smiling down at my active faith in my obedience? Though I heartily believe that God is pleased with our active faith (as imperfect as it is), I do not believe that our active faith is enough to warrant God's full and complete pleasure. We need some additions. We need Someone to make up the difference of what is actually required, namely perfect obedience.

We need the perfect righteousness of Jesus added to our sincere, though imperfect, attempts at righteousness for the Father to look upon our works with full pleasure. Only in Jesus are we fully pleasing, and fully acceptable before the Father. Only as we are wearing His robes of righteousness are we truly righteous. Why would anyone want to take off this robe to ask if their garments were enough?

So, I believe that the real equation for obedience is as follows:

My obedience - (minus)  the sin that stains it + (plus) an abundance of the righteousness of Christ = (equals) a true righteousness that the Father is most definitely and always pleased with. 

This equation for obedience removes any grounds for boasting as well as any reason for despair regarding my obedience. It allows me to boldly face my sin and inadequacy with honesty and integrity. It frees me to repent. But most importantly, it causes me to place all of my hope in the One whose righteousness is always enough!

You do the math!

Paralyzed By Processing

He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap. (Ecclesiastes 11:4)  In the morning sow your seed, and at evening withhold not your hand, for you do not know which will  prosper, this or that, or whether both alike will be good. (Ecclesiastes 11:6)

Placing these two proverbial sayings together you end up with the strong imperative, “Just do something!”  I picture a farmer standing paralyzed in a field that is ripe for sowing seed just observing, regarding, considering, mulling over, over-thinking just how or just where to start actually sowing.  He is so concerned that he “get it right” that he never starts the work at all.  Have you ever felt that way about ministry endeavors?  Over-thinking the elusive “calling”, mulling over what your gifts may be, carefully considering where to jump in, and all the while, ministry is just not happening. There are many places to serve, yet you are paralyzed in indecision.

I have felt this way for the last few years. Not that I have been so paralyzed that I have not been serving. On the contrary, I have been very active in my church. Yet I have been unsure about where I specifically am called to plant my ministerial roots. I have labored in prayer and searched my Bible repeatedly for specifics regarding what I should be doing. God has been gracious to speak to me through the Word. Those sweet times have been confirming and encouraging. Yet the answers are still in the realm of generalities. Not wanting to miss my calling, or start something that I don’t think I am gifted to finish, I have often desired a clear, audible voice from the heavens declaring His specific plan for my life. I want to KNOW so that I can get on with it. And yet, is this how the Lord typically works?  Not in my lifetime.

Though an audible voice would be nice, there are many things in the Word that are clear.

• I am called to ministry. Jesus did not limit the call to go into all the world to preach the gospel, teach and make disciples for the gifted few. He calls us all to labor in the field. (Mark 16:15, Matthew 28:19)
• I have been given gifts. We all have been gifted if we are His. 1 Corinthians 12:7 says, “To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.”
• I have been given the Holy Spirit. Romans 8:11 tells us that we have the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwelling in us, giving us righteousness and life. We have what Paul calls in Colossians the mystery now revealed, Christ in us. There is power for ministry in His name and by His power.
• God has a very good and specific plan for my life and I am right smack in the middle of it! I can rest in this knowledge. (Jeremiah 29:11)
• I do not need to fear missteps. The beauty of believing in the sovereignty of God is that there are no missteps. If I turn to the left when I think later that I should have gone right, He ordained for me to go left for wise reasons. Turning left was part of His plan for my growth and my good.  
• I am most encouraged by Jesus’ assuring words, “And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19)

I need these reminders today. I need to be reminded that I am free to take risks and venture out in some direction for the sake of His Kingdom. Sitting paralyzed so that I “get it right” will mean wasted time. I have been only given one life and lately it seems that my one life is moving at warp speed. I don’t want to waste the time. The attempts at ministry that I have made in the past have always been worth the ministry moments. Our gracious God can use even our attempts to serve Him well in ways that we could never fathom! And with each attempt, I have a clearer understanding of what I am gifted or not gifted to do. 

So who wants to join me in taking ministry risks for Jesus? I would rather be a fool making attempts for Him than a puzzled, paralyzed farmer in the field.

Judging the Law In Our Judgmentalism

Evil Judgment and James 4 Logic

Jane was known for her relentless judgment of everyone around her. As she listened to the narrative about the Pharisee from Luke 18 who prayed, “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector,” she smugly retorted that those people are self-righteous sinners in need of severe judgment. In blindness to her own judgmentalism, she then exclaimed, “Thank God I’m not like them!” But what was most memorable was that I found myself thinking, “Thank you, Lord, that I’m am not like this self-righteous woman!”

Oh, how quickly our heart can fall into elevating our own righteousness over others. Though we turn up our noses toward haughty Pharisees who glory in their own estimation of themselves, how often are we self-righteous toward the self-righteous? How can the wisdom from James help us?

James 4:11-12 says, “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?”

Following the train of thought from the larger context of James 4, idolatrous desires often lead to quarrels (James 4:1-2). Quarrels flow from and feed our pride, which God is opposed to (James 4:6). Pride also motivates censorious, self-righteous judgment. Therefore, speaking evil and judging our brother flows from proud, idolatrous hearts. This logic of James 4 may make sense to our intellect and experience. Yet, we may begin to scratch our muddled heads when we read that judging our brother is akin to speaking evil against the law and judging the law. How do we understand this?

God’s Perfections and our Judgment

God’s law is perfect, holy and righteous. We are forbidden from editing his law because it reveals his holy character. Scripture affirms that Christ alone fulfilled the righteous requirements of God’s law. When we judge our brother contemptuously, we also arrogantly judge ourselves to be in compliance to the law that we deem our brother to be breaking. Like the rich young ruler from Matthew 19, we believe ourselves to be good like God. By necessity, we inadvertently adjust the law by softening or reducing the holy and unbending standards to a more manageable level. Manageable for us that is; yet not our brother. This self-justifying modification of the law “speaks evil against the law and judges the law.” (James 4:11)

When we amend God’s holy law to our benefit, we exalt ourselves above God as the new and improved lawmaker, lawgiver, and judge. We attempt a coupe in order to overthrow God by exchanging His rule for our own! James is quick to warn that there is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy (James 4:11-2).

Is There a Place for Judgment?

Does this mean that we ought never judge? Are we not called to speak the truth in love and judge fruit righteously? (Eph 4:15, Mt 12:33-37) How can we do this well and in a way that doesn’t judge or speak evil against God’s perfect law?

Judgment can be motivated either by sinful pride and idolatry or authentic love. The exhortation to take the log out of our own eye first (Matthew 7:1-6) often exposes our heart. We must believe the veracity of the words from the lips of Christ that what we see in our brother is a splinter in comparison to our plank. Yet, the judgment itself is proof of our blindness and unbelief regarding our sin. It is imperative that we locate ourselves on the spectrum of the sin that we are judging in our brother (I Cor. 10:12). If we find ourselves guiltless, our measurement is faulty and we are yet blind.

Our plumb line is to be perfect obedience. Galatians 3:10 says, “Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them.” When we squarely face the rigid, unyielding law and the requirement of perfect adherence, we are back on the spectrum of sin. By God’s grace, we may finally see and assess ourselves as guilty. This revelation moves us from pride toward humility and we are one step closer to humbly beating our breasts and pleading for mercy (Luke 18:13-14).

When we are humbled enough to confess our sin, James 4:6 assures us that God gives generous grace to appropriate to our needy souls. Owing only to the sufficient sacrifice of Christ for sin, we receive in faith full forgiveness and pardon from the Father. We willingly forsake the tenuousness of our own record, and cling instead to the imputed and flawless righteousness of Christ granted to us in the gospel. The relief and sweetness of the gospel changes our hearts from cold, self-righteous pride and judgment to hearts full of joy and gratitude to God for grace.

Having been broken by the demands of the law and genuinely comforted by gospel grace, we can approach a person like judgmental Jane as a fellow sinner in need of mercy. The lavish love of God that  rescued us from our sin compels us to extend the same rescuing love to her. Love that desires the best for Jane calls us to humbly and gently confront the sin that would seek to enslave and destroy her. Pointing Jane to the comfort, hope and strength that the gospel offers allows our judgment of sin to be redemptive, restorative and life-giving instead of evil, judgmental and self-righteous. 

Crockpot Sanctification

Crockpots can be an exercise in impatience! They take time and require maintaining a low, steady heat to cook. Pulling the top off of a crockpot to check progress just delays the prolonged process of cooking even more. Unfortunately, my doubts and impatience with the claims and promises of my crockpot tempt me to check under the lid often. I confess, I do not always trust my crockpot!


Crockpots can be similar to sanctification, the long, ongoing process whereby God changes us into the image of Christ starting at conversion and culminating in glory. Though faithfully steady, this course of change in both crockpots and sanctification can seem painfully sluggish. 2 Cointhians 2:18 ensures us that God is transforming us into the likeness of Christ from one degree (crockpot pun intended) of glory to the next. The indwelling Holy Spirit guarantees change in the child of God. Nevertheless, how often are we impatient with slow change in ourselves, our spouse, our children, or our friends? How often are we irritated by the transformation that is yet lacking? How frequently do we mistrust the claims and promises of our God concerning sanctification? Akin to checking a crockpot’s progress only an hour after the cooking has started, we have doubts about the process of transformation through sanctification as well. We are frustrated by the slow rate of change. We prefer quick results, microwave speed.

Emotions Reveal our Heart

Our impatience may seem righteous at first glance, and in fact could have been righteous at the start. The basis of our impatience may have began as a loving desire for those we love to be passionate about Christ, evidenced by holy words and deeds that reflect their zeal. Assuming our desires are righteous and motivated by love, what do you suppose the fruit of this “love of neighbor” would look like? Engaging encouragement? Unwearied support? The existence of impatience and irritation may indicate that our once loving desires may have gone off the tracks. These disordered emotions are useful gifts that enable us to understand our hearts.

Questions to Probe the Heart

Interrogating, self-directed questions may aid in exposing our true motives, false beliefs and misdirected trust.  Why am I impatient? Whom am I impatient with? How does this person’s growth or lack of growth affect me? Do they make me look bad? Am I comparing this person to someone else? If so, who? Am I afraid of the outcome of their faith? What do my fears suggest? According to my theology, who has the ultimate control over a person’s growth in holiness? What do I believe about the nature, efficacy and rate of sanctification?

Impatience with God

These questions and more like them help us to slow down and think clearly about what our emotions may be revealing  about our hearts. Frustration and impatience often reveal an anger over the lack of control that we have over any given situation. These disordered emotions may help us see that we are grasping for that control and not getting it. And who would we be wrestling with? If God has ultimate control, are we frustrated and impatient with Him? Do we doubt His wisdom and methods?  Assuming we could  take the reins, what exactly would we do differently?  Would transforming gospel grace be the principal means by which we would ensure transformation?  Would grace seem too slow? Too risky and unpredictable? Would we be tempted to revert back to a few good, firm laws with built-in consequences? Wouldn’t that be more effective and manageable? Laws give the illusion that we have taken back control.  Grace simmers away at crockpot speed while law turns the oven up to 450 degrees, forcing quick external changes on the outside yet remaining cold at the core.  

Judgementalism or Gracious Love

Notwithstanding the prideful stance of attempting to wrestle control away from God and possibly enacting a different method of change, there is yet another facet of the heart that may need exposure.  While love of neighbor encourages us to speak the truth in love as a means of growth and change, our impatience about another’s process may expose a prideful judgmentalism. When we look upon another in censorious judgment rather than in love and compassion, we are undoubtedly comparing them to someone else. Who might that be? Very often, we are comparing their growth to our own.

Our pride deceives and blinds us. We lose sight of the truest standard of holiness and acceptability before a Holy God, namely perfection. Stacking our performance up against the demand for perfection ought us leave us shaking at Mt. Sinai, like Moses of old who said, “I tremble with fear.” (Hebrews 12:18-21)  If we understood our own sin, brokenness, and failures to worship and live out faith as we ought, then we would inevitably look upon others with compassion that deeply identifies with weakness. We may begin to come alongside another not as a critic of their lack of progress, but as a supporter and encourager of their growth. Instead of only noticing the lack of change, we may begin to discern the movements and evidences of grace from God, who alone has the power to inflame a heart of worship.  There may still be a lament or a sadness over what is still lacking in ourselves and others, but it will likely be a lament of faith that trusts God to complete what He started.  


If we are failing to give grace, we are likely not apprehending our desperate need of grace for ourselves. We are more sinful than we understand. Yet, the wonder of the gospel reveals a Savior and Redeemer who gives grace!  Grace- unearned, unfathomable, never-running-out grace which covers all of our sin and grants us Christ’s very righteousness! Apprehending the enormity and the beauty of the grace of God toward sinners warms our hearts and gives way to our own rise of faith, obedience and worship. And this will, in turn, allow us to extend this grace to others in their process of change.

Elijah of old understood this struggle. Romans 11 :2-6 says that when Elijah “appealed to God against Israel, he said, ‘Lord, they have killed your prophets, they have demolished your altars, and I alone am left, and they seek my life.’ What is God’s reply to him? ‘I have kept for myself seven thousand that have not bowed the knee to Baal.’ So too at the present time there is a remnant, chosen by grace. But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.” Elijah was looking at the people of Israel with frustration over the outcome of faith in their lives. But God answers by saying that he has chosen his people by grace, and that grace has enabled them to not bow the knee to Baal in idolatry. Grace is bearing the fruit of faith, obedience and worship. Grace is producing worshippers. Elijah needed to trust in God for His work that He alone could produce in the lives of His people. Trust may cause our frustration to give way to praise. 

Trusting God and Our Call to Love

Trusting God and His grace does not negate our responsibility and privilege to love our neighbor with grace and truth. We may still need to speak the hard truth, but speaking truth with faith in God may alter our motives to that of authentic, others-focused love for the benefit and blessing of our neighbor, expressed in compassionate care and sympathetic graciousness instead of impatient judgment.  

Where is your trust?

Like a crockpot, grace powered sanctification slowly but very effectively transforms and permeates to our core, making tender and warming our hearts by mercy. It produces over time  a passionate zeal to become more like our Savior, who is full of grace and truth (John 1:14).  Grace does not leave us cold on the inside, or cold toward others.  Grace is powerful and effective.  Where are you placing your trust?

Post-Merriment Moodiness and the Gospel

The Christmas tree is a fire hazard now.  The wrapping paper and boxes are strewn about.  What remains of the special Christmas morning breakfast is littered throughout the kitchen.  The kids are still half-dazed and crazed from the morning merriment.  Dad is relaxing with his iPad, catching up on the news.  And mom….well, this mom, looks around in dread.  It happens to some degree every year for me.  I begin a slow, but sure descent into resentfulness.  I begin to think about what it will mean to clean up this disaster called Christmas.  If I don’t start now, it will only get worse.  And so I begin.  I start with the paper and boxes.  I ask the kids to help.  Thankfully, they help a little.  I move over to the kitchen and begin to clean up what remains of sticky cinnamon rolls and egg nog.  I look over at my happy family and still the gratefulness of the morning is keeping resentfulness at bay.

But then a few days later, the time comes to do the major clean up.  I begin to de-Christmas my home.  I dread this multi-hour event.  I try to get the kids to help out.  And this time, I am met with resistance.  My descent begins.  With each passing hour, it builds.  The voices from my heart begin to speak to myself their complaints.  Why do I bother decorating?  Christmas is too much work for moms!  We spin our wheels and run ourselves ragged to make the day special for everyone, and then we have all the work of clean up too on the tail end!  Shopping, decorating, stringing lights, baking, cooking, gingerbread house making, wrapping, taping, more shopping, more cooking, cleaning, bow making, more wrapping, deal finding, hanging and filling stockings, shipping, and now cleaning too!  Bah humbug!!  The resentfulness is thick now!  I am afraid that I may even launch on my family into a string of guilt-inducing, manipulative comments that I will later regret.  I have done it before.  What feels like a blessed release of anger erodes into guilt and shame.  And this year, I do not want to go there!  What is my resentful heart to do?

I find a quiet hiding place in my home, and fall into a posture of prayer.  I want to cry.  I am exhausted and I am angry.  But I am also fighting my desire to allow my heart to spill out on my family, whom I deeply love.  I know that I need to apply the gospel, but where do I start?  I counsel others in gospel application, but applying the gospel to myself is always a foggier road to travel.  Think, Keri, think!  Start with your anger.  What is underneath it?  Why are you really upset?  Hmmm.  Fog begins to clear as I make my way into the ugliness of my heart.  I am angry because I have to do the work while my family enjoys all the benefits and it is just not fair!  I don’t want to do all of this work alone!  I want to sit around and be free to enjoy the benefits of Christmas too!  What is underneath all of this mess?  Self-righteousness to be sure!  Idolatrous desires for comfort are present as well.  I want to be served, rather than serve.  Lots of ugliness is surfacing now, and I am slowly humbled by my sin.  My anger is subsiding as  I see my own sin.  But gospel application does not end with the sight of our sin.  We also have a Savior.  I want to apply the gospel to myself in a way that causes true repentance and joy.  I want to love Christ more as a result of this little transaction with Him on this December morning. 

Gospel application is not easy.  Again, I must think hard to clear the haze.  How do I apply the gospel to a heart that is mad that I have done all of the work, while my family is free to enjoy all of the benefits.  How does Christ enter into this picture?  Light floods in in an almost immediate and blinding way.  Work and freedom are the themes of my grumbling heart.  Work and freedom are inherent themes within the gospel.  My Jesus did all of the work too so that I could freely enjoy all of the benefits!  I enjoy all of the free-grace benefits of the grueling, wrath-bearing work that He alone accomplished at the cross.  He did not ask me to share in the crushing weight and work of bearing my sin.  No, He did it all!  Because of Him, I get to cease from my work.  I am free to simply enjoy the benefits of all that He accomplished.  And that is NOT FAIR!  The great exchange of His work for my freedom is the epitome of injustice!  I now don’t want fair in my situation; I want grace!  And it is grace that I have received…then, at the great exchange, and now.  And I am humbled!  I am thankful!  I am freshly astounded at the lavish beauty of Christ’s work on my behalf!  I thank God for his grace towards me and I want to extend that same grace to my family!  I want to be like my Jesus who willingly served me!  I want to serve in joy because I understand that the ultimate injustice took place 2000 years for my most ultimate freedom and joy. 

My heart is changed by gospel grace.  I can get up now and finish the clean up with a new heart.  I can serve my family with a grateful heart.  My heart has moved from the heat of anger to the warmth of grace, and it has motivated me to love and serve from joy.  Ironically and yet beautifully, my husband finds me later after noticing all of my work.  He says, “I wish you would have told me you were cleaning.  I would have loved to help you.”  I can authentically smile back and enjoy the rest of the day with my family because… "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:1-4