My Plea to a Friend Considering Divorce

This is an actual letter sent to a friend considering divorce because she had found "someone who makes her truly happy."

Dear Friend,

I know that I am the last person that you probably want to hear from right now, and you may also think that I have no business speaking into your life. Nevertheless, I feel very compelled to give you a perspective to think about.

I know a little bit about what is going on in your life right now. I know you want a divorce. You feel like you are not, and never have been, happy in your relationship with your husband. You feel as though you made a mistake when you married him because you struggled with many doubts about how you felt about him when you married him. And those doubts have lingered through your marriage. You want to be in love. You want to be happy and fulfilled. You are making changes to that end --starting with your most significant relationship. Am I right so far?

My friend, you are not alone in these desires. We were created to desire contentment and fulfillment. You would not be human if you did not have these desires. Everything that we do in life is ultimately in pursuit of our joy. These pursuits are the result of being stamped with God's image. We were also created with deep longings to love and be loved. Everyone who breathes shares these God-given longings to experience love that transcends the ordinary. It is at the core of who we are. God designed us to search for that which is truly deep, significantly meaningful, and all-satisfying to our souls. Our hearts are meant to search for it until we find it.

Our problem is that we look to the wrong things in our quest. We do exactly what Romans 1 said we would do. We "worship and serve the creature rather than the Creator." Our good God gives us good things in life for our pleasure like family, children. spouses, friendships, jobs, homes, health, clothing, food. These are intended to bring some measure of pleasure and blessing to our lives. Yet in our idolatry we look to these good things as ultimate things in our pursuit of transcendent joy. We exchange the Creator for His finite gifts as though they have the ability within them to give us what we are after. 

All that we have here, in this life, is broken. We are broken people in a broken world. Sin has touched and tarnished everything. Life in a broken world was described well in The Chronicles of Narnia as "always winter, but never Christmas." Brokenness pervades and yet we keep searching and hoping in the broken things for joy.

My friend, my heart breaks for you because you are at that inevitable place in life where our idealism and dreams come crashing down under the weight of the realities of life in this fallen world. Many make tragic decisions during this season. I know that you think that your story is uniquely different, but it is not. We all face life with high expectations. We all discover the realities of brokenness eventually. The answer is not to move on to more brokenness. This new relationship will only provide temporary happiness. Eventually the brokenness will show up. Please do not put your hope in this new relationship, but rather allow God to redeem and make beautiful the marriage that He gave you.  

The sacrifice of Christ offers redemption for our brokenness and abiding satisfaction for our souls. The gospel tells us that we are more sinful, flawed and broken than we ever dared believe, yet offers us more love and acceptance from our Savior than we ever dared hope. We were fashioned by God with longings that could only be satisfied by what He gives. Only the infinite God can satisfy us with the love and acceptance and sense of belonging that we are really after. Augustine said, "Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee." 

My friend, you profess faith in Christ. May I ask how your faith is factoring into your decisions? Have you engaged with God about your choices? Have you brought Him into these decisions? God speaks clearly in His Word regarding the binding covenant of marriage and His hatred of divorce. Marriage is intended to reflect the covenant that God made and plans to keep forever with His bride, the Church. He never leaves. We bring glory to Him when we don't leave either. 

He warns us, motivated by His compassion and care for our souls, to avoid sin because He knows that it leads to destruction, heartache and pain. Jude also warns us not to presume upon His grace by using it as a license to sin. When we make deliberate choices to walk against what His Word says, we are walking in stubborn rebellion against Him. Do you care about this? The answer to this question may determine the state of your soul before Him. With a profession of faith comes the call of the gospel upon your life to walk in a manner worthy of that gospel. 

I would not be a friend if I did not tell you the truth. I hope that you understand that this letter is motivated by love for you, for your children and for your husband. I do not want to see the sad consequences play out in all of your lives. You may be thinking that the consequences of these choices will be insignificant. This is simply not true. We have seen the devastating effects in too many people's lives. And the Word of God bears this out in Galatians 6:7-9 which says, "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will form the Spirit real eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."

I pray that you will consider some of these things that I have shared as you are making such significant, life-altering decisions. 

By His grace, for His glory, and for your true joy,
Keri

One of my posts rewritten more creatively by Cristi Miller

My friend, Cristi, is an incredibly gifted writer!!  She rewrote something that I had written.  Her rendition is beautiful!!


"Help for the Hills" by Cristi Miller (and me)


As I set out for my morning run
I have confidence in my ability to complete the course set before me.
The steps quickly turn into miles
And I am amazed at how easily and steadily I move along.
I take in the beauty along the way and breath deep.
This isn’t so bad.  I can do this.


Gradually the path begins to change.
The hard, smooth ground that was giving spring to my steps
Crumbles and becomes soft as sand beneath my feet
Draining me more and more of energy each time we connect.
The path narrows and snakes it’s way through the woods.
The earth begins to rise up beneath me with each step I take
And I gasp when I catch a glimpse of the hill now looming in front of me.


I dig deep for strength
And think of a friend who is climbing a ‘hill’ of her own in life.
How often she whishes she could walk, sit down
Stop climbing, give up.
How can I quit after I have been encouraging her not to?
Now, she spurs me on.
I run with her in mind.
Pray for her.
“I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.”


I want to turn around and run-
Run back to the easy, familiar road I had just traveled
But fixing my eyes ahead, I continue.
Tree roots spider web across my way
And large rocks freckle the dirt.
I trip and stumble often
Loosing my footing as I trudge along,
Barely moving up the ever-increasing incline.
Will I ever reach the top?


I am reminded of yet another runner, another hill.
Where a beaten, bloodied, mocked, weary man
Carrying a load on His back no one else could bare,
Climbed a hill.
A hill that did not promise relief at its summit
But demanded His very life.


With each agonizing step He took
The weight of His burden increased
Digging deeper into His already raw back.
Blood, as sweat, fell staining the ground.
Every move He made required the greatest effort.
Each step brought Him closer to death.
“Yet not my will, but Yours be done,” was the cry of his heart
As he strained to reach the top,
To receive His reward
And hear the voice of His Father welcoming Him,
“Well done, good and faithful servant.”
He endured.


In the end He gained the ultimate victory-
A victory He now shares with me.
I gain a new perspective on this ‘hill’
And others I will encounter on my run.
Fight returns to my steps and I inch forward.
One foot in front of the other.
One step at a time.


He knows and He is running with me.
Even today, even now, as I climb this hill.
I can because Jesus already has.
His Spirit breathes wind at my back
And I ascend.


(July 8, 20011)

Blindness, Sight, and My Friend Shawn

I was reading this morning about the man born blind from the story in John 9.  Ironically, Jesus had just had a lengthy conversation in John 8 with a bunch of Jews in which he was basically saying to them, “You are blind!”  They were unwilling to believe the  truth that He was from God, and speaking for God.  He actually says to them, “Why do you not understand what I say?  It is because you cannot bear to hear my word.”  The self-sufficiency of the Jews made them blind to their true condition of weakness and neediness!  They could not bear the thought that they need something or someone outside of themselves to make them right with God.

And then Jesus “just happens to pass by” a man born blind from birth (John 9:1).  I thought about the experience of a blind person. Blind people are handicapped.  They are weaker, in one sense (excuse the pun).  They must be dependent on people, walking sticks, seeing eye-dogs, Braille and other things to navigate in a world where most navigate effortlessly.  They are, at least to some degree, limited. They are not as self-sufficient as most. 

Aren’t we all “blind”?  In a spiritual sense, we are all these things that the blind man was.  We are handicapped spiritually.  We are weak.  We don’t have all that we need inside of ourselves to be right with God.  We are dependent.  We need Christ!  We need help outside of ourselves. We are not self-sufficient!  Blindness, in this context, is the ability to ascertain the truth about ourselves and our desperate need for Christ!  This blind man was in a better position than the Jews were to understand the true reality about himself.  He lived with an outward, physical manifestation of an inward reality that would make him more keenly aware of his needs.  So, who was the truly handicapped?  The Jews or the blind man?

I saw my friend, Shawn, last night in the hospital.  Shawn had a tumor the size of a football removed from his back.  The procedure caused him to lose the ability to walk and maintian use of some of his normal bodily functions. He is coming to terms with his new normal, which includes some similarities to the blind man of John 9.  Shawn is experiencing weakness, dependence, and a limit to his abilities.  There is expected frustration and sorrow over the losses that resulted from his cancer.  This man who wants to be a rock for his family to depend on is realizing that he may need to depend on them.  How hard this must be! He will need to depend on special cars, crutches and wheel chairs during this time.  As he watches people walk effortlessly across a hall, he will have to navigate much differently, and with more effort. God will be faithful to Shawn as he always has been. But what a hard road he is on!  

Shawn, like the blind man, has an outward, physical representation of an inward reality that we all share!  We are all broken. We are all needy.  We are all limited. We are all dependent. How will Shawn’s situation be used in his life to sharpen his understanding of these truths?  We all need to understand just how much we continue to need Jesus!  We don’t have what we need in ourselves.  How many of us really believe this?  The self-sufficient Jews refused to believe, and the blind man readily believed. Why was belief easy for him? When questioned about Jesus, the blind man simply and clearly told them the truth.  “One thing I know, that though I was blind, now I see.”  The blind man was amazed at their lack of logic and even says, “Why, this is an amazing thing!  You do not know where he comes from, and yet he opened my eyes…If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.”  In the face of miracles, and concise logic, the Jews refused to believe because they could not bear to hear the truth about themselves (John 8:43). Again, their self-sufficiency was their greatest obstacle. 

Jesus said, “For judgment I came into the world, and those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.”  Strange! Apparent weakness became the path to the greatest strength!  He says later to the Phaisees, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains.  Remember, blindness in this context is the ability to own our weakness and need of Christ.  Weakness is the beginning of receiving the true strength of Christ.  Having nothing puts you into position to receive everything!  Understanding our desperate needs puts us in the place of receiving the lavish benefits of grace and mercy.  Getting Jesus because we understand just how much we need Jesus sets us free from guilt.  If you think you “see” and have no sense of your desperate need of Christ, then your guilt will remain. You are the truly blind!

Though he may not feel it yet, Shawn seems to be in the best of all positions, as a receiver of grace. His outward weakness is representative of the truest reality of all of us!  We need grace to make it!  We need Christ’s strength to navigate through life.  Shawn will more acutely understand these things than the rest of us who may tend to take things for granted, like walking! So, who is more “handicapped”?  Shawn or me?

I love the response of Christ when asked if it was sin that led to the man’s blindness.  He said, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.”  What works will God display through Shawn Moore?  How will Shawn’s unique life and calling glorify God through seeming weakness?  When we are weak, He is strong!  How will the strength of Christ shine through Shawn?  How will you work the works of God as long as you are in the world?  Are you weak and needy and lacking confidence in your limited abilities?  Then you are in a great position to be a receiver of the lavish grace and power of Christ’s strength!  Oh, how desperately we need Him!

Help for the Hills

I ran today! I haven’t run in a long time. I knew I had to pace myself or I would never finish the few miles that I set out to run. As I started out, I thought, “This isn’t so bad. I can do this.” So, I trudged along at my snail’s pace fairly confident that I would finish my course. That is, until I came to the dreaded hill!

Hills are killers! Hills hurt. Hills require perseverance. Hills require determination. Only naïve novices or seasoned runners would try to run or sprint up a hill. Hills require a steady, even, often slower pace. The steeper the hill, the more focus is required. About 30 seconds into my hill, I was tempted to start walking. And then, I thought of my friend. I have been talking with a friend all week who is climbing up her own proverbial, very steep, spiritual hill in her faith. I have been trying to encourage and motivate her to keep moving forward on her hill of faith. She has been discouraged. She is weary. She is tired. She needs help. She feels like just stopping at times. She wants the hill to get easier. She wants to know when the road underneath her will flatten, making her course a little easier. I feel for her. I want to help her. And so, as I ran up my hill this morning, I prayed for her to make it up hers. As I was tempted to walk, I thought of her temptations, and prayed for strength for my friend. I did not quit, because I am calling her not to quit. I thought about the words, “I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.” I have been encouraging her to believe these words, and I made myself believe them this morning as I made it up my hill during my run.

Life really does feel like a steep run uphill at times, doesn’t it? Life gets hard. Faith can be even harder. It is, at times, difficult to believe all that God says. It’s hard to apply His promises to our life. It’s hard to accept as true all that the Bible tells us about who we are, who He is, and what He is up to in difficult circumstances. At times, it is hard to trust that He is good. His ways are sometimes hard to understand. This confusion makes faith a strenuous effort! We get weary of our particular course. We may even feel like giving up. As I was running up the hill this morning, I thought of some of the things that help us make it up our hills in life.

When running up a hill, it sure is nice to have the wind on your back, isn’t it? It gives that little push in the right direction. The wind energizes our own efforts, making us feel more confident, more able to keep moving forward. The Holy Spirit has been likened to the wind. He is that supernatural power that gives us what we need to keep moving forward. Knowing that we have resurrection power through the Holy Spirit living within us gives us the encouragement to believe that we really can do all things through Him who gives us strength!

Then I thought of the One who would be at the finish line to welcome all of His runners at the end of our own pre-determined courses. God our Father will be there to embrace us as we finish our races. He will welcome us. He will embrace us and tell us things like, “Well done, good and faithful servant.” It will be sweet relief to finish the course, to breathe out that last sigh, the sigh of the end of strained effort when all of our striving will be over. 

But, there is more. There is Another who runs with us in our races. Jesus runs with us!  He runs with us not as One who does not understand what the uphill climb feels like, but as One who has endured the worst of all hills with endurance. He willingly chose to be like us with all of our weaknesses. He wore our humanity. He knows exactly what it feels like to run uphill in this life. He knew that He had the steepest of all hills to climb at the cross! He knew what it meant for Him, and how hard it would be to endure. In the Garden, with the hill of Golgotha up ahead on his course, he strained for faith to the point of sweating drops of blood. He asked His Father if there was any other way. Could he save God’s people without this Hill? Was there any way around this Hill. And yet, in faith, he said, “Not my will, but Your’s be done.” And he began the ruthless ascent up the harsh Hill to Calvary.


His ultimate endurance at Calvary gives us the strength to endure! His ultimate victory on the cross gives us the ability to be more than conquerors as well. And this Jesus runs with us. He knows the strain that we feel on our hills. He knows that it is hard to keep moving forward. And this is the One who runs with us. Because he endured victoriously, we also will endure victoriously. He will complete what he started in us. He made us runners for Him, and He will give us all that we need to finish our courses. But we need to keep moving forward in faith.


We must face the right direction, as we look towards the goal of finishing the course, knowing that our Father waits for us at the finish line.  We need to remember that we have Someone running with us who sympathizes with the toughness of the course, and we can take courage as we realize that we have a Helper giving us supernatural power to keep moving forward. With those thoughts, “let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” And we will sit with him too at the end of our race!