This is an actual letter sent to a friend considering divorce because she had found "someone who makes her truly happy."
Dear Friend,
I know that I am the last person that you probably want to hear from right now, and you may also think that I have no business speaking into your life. Nevertheless, I feel very compelled to give you a perspective to think about.
I know a little bit about what is going on in your life right now. I know you want a divorce. You feel like you are not, and never have been, happy in your relationship with your husband. You feel as though you made a mistake when you married him because you struggled with many doubts about how you felt about him when you married him. And those doubts have lingered through your marriage. You want to be in love. You want to be happy and fulfilled. You are making changes to that end --starting with your most significant relationship. Am I right so far?
My friend, you are not alone in these desires. We were created to desire contentment and fulfillment. You would not be human if you did not have these desires. Everything that we do in life is ultimately in pursuit of our joy. These pursuits are the result of being stamped with God's image. We were also created with deep longings to love and be loved. Everyone who breathes shares these God-given longings to experience love that transcends the ordinary. It is at the core of who we are. God designed us to search for that which is truly deep, significantly meaningful, and all-satisfying to our souls. Our hearts are meant to search for it until we find it.
Our problem is that we look to the wrong things in our quest. We do exactly what Romans 1 said we would do. We "worship and serve the creature rather than the Creator." Our good God gives us good things in life for our pleasure like family, children. spouses, friendships, jobs, homes, health, clothing, food. These are intended to bring some measure of pleasure and blessing to our lives. Yet in our idolatry we look to these good things as ultimate things in our pursuit of transcendent joy. We exchange the Creator for His finite gifts as though they have the ability within them to give us what we are after.
All that we have here, in this life, is broken. We are broken people in a broken world. Sin has touched and tarnished everything. Life in a broken world was described well in The Chronicles of Narnia as "always winter, but never Christmas." Brokenness pervades and yet we keep searching and hoping in the broken things for joy.
My friend, my heart breaks for you because you are at that inevitable place in life where our idealism and dreams come crashing down under the weight of the realities of life in this fallen world. Many make tragic decisions during this season. I know that you think that your story is uniquely different, but it is not. We all face life with high expectations. We all discover the realities of brokenness eventually. The answer is not to move on to more brokenness. This new relationship will only provide temporary happiness. Eventually the brokenness will show up. Please do not put your hope in this new relationship, but rather allow God to redeem and make beautiful the marriage that He gave you.
The sacrifice of Christ offers redemption for our brokenness and abiding satisfaction for our souls. The gospel tells us that we are more sinful, flawed and broken than we ever dared believe, yet offers us more love and acceptance from our Savior than we ever dared hope. We were fashioned by God with longings that could only be satisfied by what He gives. Only the infinite God can satisfy us with the love and acceptance and sense of belonging that we are really after. Augustine said, "Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee."
My friend, you profess faith in Christ. May I ask how your faith is factoring into your decisions? Have you engaged with God about your choices? Have you brought Him into these decisions? God speaks clearly in His Word regarding the binding covenant of marriage and His hatred of divorce. Marriage is intended to reflect the covenant that God made and plans to keep forever with His bride, the Church. He never leaves. We bring glory to Him when we don't leave either.
He warns us, motivated by His compassion and care for our souls, to avoid sin because He knows that it leads to destruction, heartache and pain. Jude also warns us not to presume upon His grace by using it as a license to sin. When we make deliberate choices to walk against what His Word says, we are walking in stubborn rebellion against Him. Do you care about this? The answer to this question may determine the state of your soul before Him. With a profession of faith comes the call of the gospel upon your life to walk in a manner worthy of that gospel.
I would not be a friend if I did not tell you the truth. I hope that you understand that this letter is motivated by love for you, for your children and for your husband. I do not want to see the sad consequences play out in all of your lives. You may be thinking that the consequences of these choices will be insignificant. This is simply not true. We have seen the devastating effects in too many people's lives. And the Word of God bears this out in Galatians 6:7-9 which says, "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will form the Spirit real eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
I pray that you will consider some of these things that I have shared as you are making such significant, life-altering decisions.
By His grace, for His glory, and for your true joy,
Keri
Dear Friend,
I know that I am the last person that you probably want to hear from right now, and you may also think that I have no business speaking into your life. Nevertheless, I feel very compelled to give you a perspective to think about.
I know a little bit about what is going on in your life right now. I know you want a divorce. You feel like you are not, and never have been, happy in your relationship with your husband. You feel as though you made a mistake when you married him because you struggled with many doubts about how you felt about him when you married him. And those doubts have lingered through your marriage. You want to be in love. You want to be happy and fulfilled. You are making changes to that end --starting with your most significant relationship. Am I right so far?
My friend, you are not alone in these desires. We were created to desire contentment and fulfillment. You would not be human if you did not have these desires. Everything that we do in life is ultimately in pursuit of our joy. These pursuits are the result of being stamped with God's image. We were also created with deep longings to love and be loved. Everyone who breathes shares these God-given longings to experience love that transcends the ordinary. It is at the core of who we are. God designed us to search for that which is truly deep, significantly meaningful, and all-satisfying to our souls. Our hearts are meant to search for it until we find it.
Our problem is that we look to the wrong things in our quest. We do exactly what Romans 1 said we would do. We "worship and serve the creature rather than the Creator." Our good God gives us good things in life for our pleasure like family, children. spouses, friendships, jobs, homes, health, clothing, food. These are intended to bring some measure of pleasure and blessing to our lives. Yet in our idolatry we look to these good things as ultimate things in our pursuit of transcendent joy. We exchange the Creator for His finite gifts as though they have the ability within them to give us what we are after.
All that we have here, in this life, is broken. We are broken people in a broken world. Sin has touched and tarnished everything. Life in a broken world was described well in The Chronicles of Narnia as "always winter, but never Christmas." Brokenness pervades and yet we keep searching and hoping in the broken things for joy.
My friend, my heart breaks for you because you are at that inevitable place in life where our idealism and dreams come crashing down under the weight of the realities of life in this fallen world. Many make tragic decisions during this season. I know that you think that your story is uniquely different, but it is not. We all face life with high expectations. We all discover the realities of brokenness eventually. The answer is not to move on to more brokenness. This new relationship will only provide temporary happiness. Eventually the brokenness will show up. Please do not put your hope in this new relationship, but rather allow God to redeem and make beautiful the marriage that He gave you.
The sacrifice of Christ offers redemption for our brokenness and abiding satisfaction for our souls. The gospel tells us that we are more sinful, flawed and broken than we ever dared believe, yet offers us more love and acceptance from our Savior than we ever dared hope. We were fashioned by God with longings that could only be satisfied by what He gives. Only the infinite God can satisfy us with the love and acceptance and sense of belonging that we are really after. Augustine said, "Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in thee."
My friend, you profess faith in Christ. May I ask how your faith is factoring into your decisions? Have you engaged with God about your choices? Have you brought Him into these decisions? God speaks clearly in His Word regarding the binding covenant of marriage and His hatred of divorce. Marriage is intended to reflect the covenant that God made and plans to keep forever with His bride, the Church. He never leaves. We bring glory to Him when we don't leave either.
He warns us, motivated by His compassion and care for our souls, to avoid sin because He knows that it leads to destruction, heartache and pain. Jude also warns us not to presume upon His grace by using it as a license to sin. When we make deliberate choices to walk against what His Word says, we are walking in stubborn rebellion against Him. Do you care about this? The answer to this question may determine the state of your soul before Him. With a profession of faith comes the call of the gospel upon your life to walk in a manner worthy of that gospel.
I would not be a friend if I did not tell you the truth. I hope that you understand that this letter is motivated by love for you, for your children and for your husband. I do not want to see the sad consequences play out in all of your lives. You may be thinking that the consequences of these choices will be insignificant. This is simply not true. We have seen the devastating effects in too many people's lives. And the Word of God bears this out in Galatians 6:7-9 which says, "Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will form the Spirit real eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up."
I pray that you will consider some of these things that I have shared as you are making such significant, life-altering decisions.
By His grace, for His glory, and for your true joy,
Keri
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